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Tis the season to be merry. Tis also the season to be wary. During the holiday season, the bottom-feeding merchandisers are out in full force, selling you what might be decent products, but maintaining a studied silence about the real cost.

A full-page ad in today’s issue of our local newspaper had this headline: “Amish man’s new miracle idea helps home heat bills hit rock bottom.” The ad then promised up to two “miracle” heaters “free,” with the only charge being the cost of the oak or cherry mantle built by little Amish workers in Pennsylvania. If you didn’t buy the mantles, each heater would cost $249. The cost of the mantles, two hundred and ninety-eight dollars for the oak version, was disguised by spelling it out in the copy rather than using the figures.

I called just to make sure about the bargain. Peggy, who answered the phone, said she had one of the heaters in her home and just loved it. An oak mantle would cost $298. A cherry mantle would cost $338. Shipping would cost $49. The remote control would cost another $9. In other words, two free heaters, with cherry mantles, would cost, delivered, $792.

A few years ago, I called and ordered a free software disk advertised on the CNN channel. It turned out the commercial was inserted on the channel by Cox Communication. In order to get the free disk, the operator told me, I would have to pay for two other disks, but I could return the two other disks within ten days and get a refund. I ordered the disks. It turned out that to return the unwanted disks, one had to call a different number than the one used to order them in the first place. Guess what? The original number used to place orders was always open. The telephone number for returns was always busy. When I called Cox Communication to complain about this shoddy practice, I got nowhere.

I am amused by the many musical records hawked on television. The price seems amazingly low. But underneath the price in letters colored almost the same as their background is the statement “plus shipping and handling.” You can figure that they are going to get you by the shipping and handling, the price of which is never stated in the commercial.

So we travel through this cold time of the year with the happy words, “Tis the season to be merry.” As long as we keep in mind a few other bromides, “A sucker is born every minute,” and “If it sounds too good to be true, it is too good to be true.”

This is Radio Ralph with a comment at midweek for AM850